“It’s better to conquer grief than to deceive it.”
SENECA, ON CONSOLATION TO HELVIA, 17.1b
The common misconception of Stoics is that they hide away their feelings; suppress them in an effort to be ‘stoic’ and stone-faced. So surely when Stoics find themselves faced with sadness or grief, they just brush it away and refuse to feel those feelings, and are tough and resilient instead. Right? Right??
Well, actually that’s wrong, and couldn’t be further from the truth. Stoicism teaches us to process our grief fully and directly, but most importantly to do so in the moment rather than hiding your emotions or distracting yourself until you can process them later.
Distraction and deflection might feel good, but they are never part of the remedy. Being honest and truthful, especially to yourself, about what you’re feeling is exactly what’s needed in that type of moment. Instead of deceiving yourself, processing immediately is the key.
Hiding your feelings away because they’re too powerful and too painful doesn’t do you any favors. You might think that you’ll process them later, but that day likely never comes, and it just sits inside you, unfinished and unresolved.
Instead, conquer grief now, so that you can ultimately let go later. “Sit with the pain,” as The Daily Stoic mentions in today’s entry. Respect it, feel it, and honor it. Bravely face the pain. Look your grief right in the eye — then, with time, you’ll have conquered it.
