“We can remove most sins if we have a witness standing by as we are about to go wrong. The soul should have someone it can respect, by whose example it can make its inner sanctum more inviolable. Happy is the person who can improve others, not only when present, but even when in their thoughts!”
SENECA, MORAL LETTERS, 11.9
Continuing the topic of choosing carefully who you surround yourself with, which we discussed yesterday, is this quote above in today’s page of The Daily Stoic. It says we need to have a particular type of friend around.
We need to have someone that we can count on to raise an eyebrow when we’re about to do the wrong thing. Someone that we know is observing us, and who’s not going to accept our lame excuses later for making this mistake. This is the best kind of wingman — a friend who’s going to hold you accountable and expect your absolute best, every day.
Usually this friend doesn’t even have to say anything. Just the fact that they know us, and just by virtue of being around — this is enough to remind us to stay on the straight and narrow.
Now imagine that this person isn’t even in the same room, but the memory of this person — perhaps a grandparent who expected a lot of you, and has since passed away — is what keeps you always doing your best, and never taking moral shortcuts. Maybe your friend lives in another city, but you know that they will remind you that the buck stops with you.
And finally, imagine that you are this type of person for somebody else! What a great thing to aspire to. I hope that someday I can be that best kind of wingman for somebody else. Not somebody who is preachy or self-righteous, but rather that I hold my friends accountable to themselves. And that they expect exactly this from me.
