“You must stop blaming God, and not blame any person. You must completely control your desire and shift your avoidance to what lies within your reasoned choice. You must no longer feel anger, resentment, envy, or regret.”
EPICTETUS, DISCOURSES, 3.22.13
Often — or even most of the time — circumstances are fully outside of our control. Good or bad, liberating or punishing, these circumstances represent things that we aren’t able to directly influence. We sometimes just don’t have the ability to change our situation at all.
This is the wisdom shared in today’s entry in The Daily Stoic. The author Ryan Holiday uses the powerful example of Nelson Mandela, who made the best of some ghastly conditions when he was in prison. Mandela accepted his situation, which he couldn’t control. But he “set the terms” on how he was going to receive this treatment, to use his own words. How he reacted was within his control, so that’s what he focused on.
Likewise, you and I should focus on what we can control, and set our own terms. We must set aside that which lies outside our control, set aside the situation.
We must recognize the emotions that assail us, then, in the same way. Set those emotions aside and focus on what we must do today.
There will be hard days
Yesterday I felt overwhelmed at work. I have been assigned a project where the expectations are sky-high, but also very unclear. It drives me nuts, makes me crazy, and honestly makes me ill. I hate this project and I wish I’d never heard of it. It has driven me to think about leaving an otherwise amazing job at a tremendous company.
But this nightmare project and the fact that I have to work on it, it’s out of my control, right? I should just set aside the situation and focus on what I can control — that is, my reaction to the situation.
Easier said than done, I suppose. I certainly enjoy journaling about stoic wisdom, but I’m only human and I’m not always successful at applying it.
At the time of writing this article, it is becoming apparent that the Delta variant of COVID is gaining steam in the United States. It seems that our optimism about the world going back to “normal” may have been premature. We might be in for a whole lot more disruption, mandates, lockdowns, etc.
This news is threatening to derail my fragile peace of mind. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take. But… it’s outside of my control. All I can control is how I react. So I’ll do my best to focus on that.
