“In public avoid talking often and excessively about your accomplishments and dangers, for however much you enjoy recounting your dangers, it’s not so pleasant for others to hear about your affairs.”
EPICTETUS, ENCHIRIDION, 33.14
Today’s entry in The Daily Stoic is pretty easy to understand. Basically, nobody wants to hear your tall tales about the things that happened on your trip to Thailand that one time. Or even the true stories. Just try to not tell stories about your exploits in general — it’s boring for other people to have to listen to you, and you risk coming across as arrogant.
Not that it’s terrible to ever talk about your life. It’s not a crime to share your experiences. But have you noticed that the people who tell fantastical narratives about their adventures tend to tell a LOT of stories? Like, all the time? Sometimes it’s hard to get a word in edgewise, and it feels like a one-sided conversation.
I still cringe when I’m observing a conversation, and somebody tells a story — and then another person feels compelled to sort of ‘one-up’ that person by telling what they think is a related anecdote from their own life. Except to the casual observer, it’s not particularly related, and it feels kind of desperate, like they’re trying to prove, “Hey! I’m interesting too!”
But you know what? I do that too. And I make myself cringe when I notice I’m doing it. Holiday (the book’s author) has sage advice: “Listen and connect with people, don’t perform for them.” And that’s the key — I need to stay down to earth and remember that I need to always be listening and learning, instead of trying to impress others. I’ll keep trying!
