“Soon you will die, and still you aren’t sincere, undisturbed, or free from suspicion that external things can harm you, nor are you gracious to all, knowing that wisdom and acting justly are one and the same.”
MARCUS AURELIUS, MEDITATIONS, 4.37
“Soon you will die,” says Marcus above. Wow, that’s a powerful statement, even for a former emperor who’s not known for mincing words!
When I first read this quote, it seemed like he was passing judgment and condemning himself. The Daily Stoic confirmed it for me: Marcus was speaking mostly to himself when he wrote the above. It was later in his life, as he stared down his inevitable death and with that peculiar wisdom that comes in old age.
Turns out Marcus was hard on himself too, just like we often are. I certainly am.
But there is truth here: we are closer to the end than we often realize. The end could come tomorrow — the Sword of Damocles could fall at any moment. And author Ryan Holiday reminds us that “we are unfinished products up until the end.”
We must do everything we can with the time we have. We must live like dying people — seizing each moment, free from suspicion and fear, and full of graciousness and forgiveness instead. Always growing and improving.
But also, I wish to be free from Marcus Aurelius’ anguish that he expressed. As I read his quote again, I see a person who is being very hard on himself, despite trying his best and achieving more than most of us could ever dream of, both in the physical world but also in his heart.
I don’t want to be that hard on myself — I already do that, I don’t need more of it. I’m trying to avoid negative self-talk. Self-flagellation isn’t healthy; we shouldn’t beat ourselves up.
So I’ll take the wisdom today from The Daily Stoic, but not the scolding, because I do enough of that to myself.
